I’ve just found this, which is a genuine email I wrote to my best friend and her husband before I became a Christian, as I was starting to explore my faith. It’s slightly embarrassing, but part of me hopes that someone who’s exploring the idea of God (or is, at least, open-minded enough to humour me) will connect with it and ask themselves the same questions I asked here. After all, Christianity actively invites people to see for themselves.
Dearest Drs [Surname]
You’re both people who I genuinely respect the opinions of (sinning right off the bat by not respecting all opinions, I know! Need to work on that…), and therefore am writing my thoughts to, in the hopes that you can both respond to them and answer some gaps in my understanding of Christianity as it is. I’m in quite an unusual place at the moment, as it’s one of the first times I’ve looked back not just at myself (for once), but at the entire meaning of my existence. Yep, it’ll sound formal for the most part – but I think such an important life decision should enjoy some formality!
Even without God in the picture, Christianity’s values, to me, are a very important set of ideals to live by. This probably sounds idiotic/naïve to you, as they’re all based on God existing. However, trying to be your absolute best, and attempting to be good just for the sake of being good are things that I already hold very dear to my heart. I just never asked myself why.
I thought it might be possible for me to pose questions/uncertainties I have, so I know how you’d both approach them. That’s obviously if either of you have the time, or want to answer them! I would be incredibly grateful if you did, though. Thank you so much if you reply, and sorry if they seem chaotic – I’ll try my best to put everything down as coherently as I possibly can!
I’d be incredibly foolish to say that my belief in God is a binary thing – where one moment I don’t believe in Him, and the next I do. I’d say I’m currently “on the fence”. Maybe leaning a bit over the fence. And I think that it’s a progressive thing that I can learn in time. Do you agree?
I’m currently hesitant, but at the same time I think Christianity’s values combined with the idea that my morality has come from something bigger than myself, could prove the existence of a God. The fact I can’t come face-to-face with a physical entity is particularly challenging, though.
I’d like to think I could be closer to believing in Him/Them (why is He male??) by trying to believe in Him and upholding Christian values whilst doing so. Obviously, trying to believe in God is not the same as believing in God, but it’s how I’ll inevitably start. I want it to be true, until I actually find Him. And I’d be lying if I didn’t hope that everything about Heaven was also true. How do you personally know that God exists? I fear that by attempting to better myself whilst only wanting and not categorically knowing God exists, is essentially just sin. After all, I’m only doing it for myself – which is inherently selfish. I’m open-minded enough to believe He might exist, but too close-minded to accept it based on what I know so far.
I’m a bad person. I’m a bad person for thinking that how bad I am even has a limit! My soul and self are categorically imperfect, as I’m sure you both think yours are. Assuming you actually shed your bodies and go to Heaven as an unburdened version of yourself, you’re still imperfect. I don’t think what I’m saying is misplaced here, as if you were perfect, you wouldn’t be yourself – you’d be God?? This poses two questions based on your response: 1) if you go to Heaven and believe you become perfect (i.e., not yourself), why would you want to? You wouldn’t be what makes you yourself! And 2) if you go to Heaven but you’re still imperfect, do you believe you can still change yourself? For any response to that question I ask, what’s different between Earth and Heaven in each case?
Whichever way I write the next paragraph, it sounds as if I’m being defiant for the sake of being defiant. I’m not; I’m trying to pose multiple burning questions in the best way possible. Please don’t think badly of me! Why does Jesus’ death mean that we can repent? What does it mean to both of you? God existed before Jesus (?); can people who believed in the existence of God, and died before Jesus arrived, still go to Heaven? Could they repent? If not, why is that fair? If yes, it also begs the question: why Christianity and not an older religion? Finally, how do you both interpret the seven virtues?
I can appreciate that, as it stands, I must sound like a child to you. But like I’ve said, it’s been the first time I’ve seriously thought about my existence, and my decision is incredibly significant. I know I have to form my own opinions, but your views will help a lot of my interpretation.
Thank you so much if you reply to me 🙂
[My name]
Life's Compass 